Have you read the article, “7 Things Good Mothers Do That I’m Not Going to Do Anymore”? What are your thoughts?
After reading this article, I felt a wave of mixed emotions. From my experience as a mama as well as a pediatric occupational therapist, I agree that moms are under way too much pressure to be "perfect." The era of Pinterest is not helping!
1) Bathe kids every day.
2) Do an elaborate bedtime routine.
3) Buy organic.
4) Force my kids to eat vegetables.
5) Be eternally patient.
6) Have a perfectly clean house.
7) Spend all weekend with my kids.
Let me start by saying I felt common ground with Anderson on several points and I disagree with her on other points. Here are my thoughts:
#1 Don't throw the bath routine out with the bath water!
Yes, most preschoolers don’t technically need a bath everyday to be clean. And yes, bathing children everyday can even be hard on a little one’s skin. However, the reliable structure of a bedtime routine really does help kids. Some days may be a full bath with head wash. Other evenings it may just be a “bird bath” where the child stands in the tub and you quickly splash off the important parts. Or in the winter, it may be a “lotion bath” where I slather the child with lotion from head to foot.
#2 Simplify your bedtime routine as needed, but keep the routine, routine!
#5 Patience takes practice.
Patience is a virtue! (My children have heard me tell them this hundreds of times!) We are our children's first and most consistent teachers. Yes, we parents are human. Yes, we will lose our patience. Nevertheless, it is our job to TEACH patience to our little ones. We have had many, many more years of practice with patience than our kiddos, so we should be their models. They should be allowed to see us get frustrated, then MODEL how we deal with that frustration. Many times I have told my own children that I am walking away and taking a time out, taking some deep breaths, or counting to 10 (or 20!) to calm down.
#6 Don't give up on a clean house.
Now I’m not talking perfectly clean. I don’t care about dust-free book shelves and shiny mopped floors. Rather, I am talking about an environment relatively free from visual clutter. This one is particularly tricky for me! There have been many times that I have simply run through my house, filling up an empty laundry basket with stray items to be dealt with later. In addition, I am a HUGE fan of various toy bins with word/pictorial labels and encouraging the children to put their OWN things away.
#7 Take a respite.
Anderson recommends a Downton Abbey-style respite time where each person gets a weekly, 8am-noon period completely free from kid, work and house responsibilities. I LOVE my kids, both my biological kiddos and my kiddos at the clinic…but, um… sometimes it would be nice to have a couple hours a week/month with NO risk of the random tantrum, and NO laundry duty. I might just have to take this piece of advice to heart!
Let me start by saying I felt common ground with Anderson on several points and I disagree with her on other points. Here are my thoughts:
#1 Don't throw the bath routine out with the bath water!
Yes, most preschoolers don’t technically need a bath everyday to be clean. And yes, bathing children everyday can even be hard on a little one’s skin. However, the reliable structure of a bedtime routine really does help kids. Some days may be a full bath with head wash. Other evenings it may just be a “bird bath” where the child stands in the tub and you quickly splash off the important parts. Or in the winter, it may be a “lotion bath” where I slather the child with lotion from head to foot.
#2 Simplify your bedtime routine as needed, but keep the routine, routine!
Again, kids need structure, routine, boundaries. Most of the children I work with in the clinic have trouble sleeping at night. What's the first step to fixing this? Bedtime routine! Each step of the bedtime routine is another clue for your child’s body that it is time to hit the sack. Some parents are blessed to have children who fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Most of us are not. The more consistent the bedtime routine, the better chances you have for a restful night's sleep yourself.
#3 Don’t get worked up about buying organic.
Personally, I simply try to provide as many fruits and veggies as possible. If the organic happens to be on sale, or we are at the local farmer’s market, great, I’ll buy it. But in reality “organic” can really mean so many different things. So I will focus my efforts on simply eating more plants.
#4 Don't force but rather strongly encourage kids to eat vegetables.
Several pediatric feeding courses that I have been to, including Food Chaining, are clear that adding plants of any kind to a child’s diet is the priority. Vegetables are often an acquired taste, so a child is likely to enjoy more fruits than vegetables. But, how is a child going to learn to eat their veggies unless he tries them? I refuse to engage a child in a “just take a bite” debate at dinner time. However, the child does need to recognize a vegetable’s right to exist on the plate, and then be praised like the dickens when he decides to taste it!
#3 Don’t get worked up about buying organic.
Personally, I simply try to provide as many fruits and veggies as possible. If the organic happens to be on sale, or we are at the local farmer’s market, great, I’ll buy it. But in reality “organic” can really mean so many different things. So I will focus my efforts on simply eating more plants.
#4 Don't force but rather strongly encourage kids to eat vegetables.
Several pediatric feeding courses that I have been to, including Food Chaining, are clear that adding plants of any kind to a child’s diet is the priority. Vegetables are often an acquired taste, so a child is likely to enjoy more fruits than vegetables. But, how is a child going to learn to eat their veggies unless he tries them? I refuse to engage a child in a “just take a bite” debate at dinner time. However, the child does need to recognize a vegetable’s right to exist on the plate, and then be praised like the dickens when he decides to taste it!
#5 Patience takes practice.
Patience is a virtue! (My children have heard me tell them this hundreds of times!) We are our children's first and most consistent teachers. Yes, we parents are human. Yes, we will lose our patience. Nevertheless, it is our job to TEACH patience to our little ones. We have had many, many more years of practice with patience than our kiddos, so we should be their models. They should be allowed to see us get frustrated, then MODEL how we deal with that frustration. Many times I have told my own children that I am walking away and taking a time out, taking some deep breaths, or counting to 10 (or 20!) to calm down.
#6 Don't give up on a clean house.
Now I’m not talking perfectly clean. I don’t care about dust-free book shelves and shiny mopped floors. Rather, I am talking about an environment relatively free from visual clutter. This one is particularly tricky for me! There have been many times that I have simply run through my house, filling up an empty laundry basket with stray items to be dealt with later. In addition, I am a HUGE fan of various toy bins with word/pictorial labels and encouraging the children to put their OWN things away.
#7 Take a respite.
Anderson recommends a Downton Abbey-style respite time where each person gets a weekly, 8am-noon period completely free from kid, work and house responsibilities. I LOVE my kids, both my biological kiddos and my kiddos at the clinic…but, um… sometimes it would be nice to have a couple hours a week/month with NO risk of the random tantrum, and NO laundry duty. I might just have to take this piece of advice to heart!
In summary I feel that Anderson has often chosen the wrong battles. I agree that children need some freedom and autonomy from their parents. They need to go outside and learn to get dirty. They need to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. However, some of the items which Anderson said she wasn’t going to worry about anymore are the very things that actually make a mama’s life EASIER. Some children may be able to “go with the flow” a bit more than others and not deteriorate into a total meltdown, but for most children
structure, routine, and boundaries are the keys to unlocking a happier child with fewer meltdowns. And, happy, calm children help to create a happy and calm family.
So what do you think? What items do you think are the most important to worry about in parenthood, and which ones do you think we need to toss out the window? Feel free to share!
Also, if you have a question you would like me to address in my Weekly Blog,
send it to share@ChildrensTherapyTEAM.com
As we gear-up for Mother's Day this weekend,
I wish all my "mama readers" a healthy,
happy and relaxing Mother's Day!
Resources and References:
“7 Things Good Mothers Do That I’m Not Going to Do Anymore” Anderson, Huffington Post, posted April 9, 2015
Sleep Worries, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted August 2014
Busy Moms' Resolutions, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted December 2014
Sleep Training 101, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted November 2014
Picky Eaters, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted January 2015
Sleep Worries, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted August 2014
Busy Moms' Resolutions, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted December 2014
Sleep Training 101, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted November 2014
Picky Eaters, Mondays with Melissa Blog, Children's Therapy TEAM, posted January 2015
