Dear Melissa,
I want to help my kids feel the real spirit of the season. But, this is hard to do when festivities become a bit overwhelming. What are your thoughts?
I have personally written about this in the past, but refreshers are always very helpful...for all of us! The tips for parents below were initially written by a member of our TEAM as a feature article in Peekaboo Magazine about two years ago. It hits many notes that I agree with so this seemed like a perfect time to share it.
Holidays with Children with Special Needs
For many, holiday noises, lights and crowds are synonymous with the Christmas season. For some children the holidays can be an overwhelming sensory challenge. Children's Therapy TEAM's Occupational Therapists Abby Snyder not only works with children with sensory challenges, but her own daughter experiences sensory difficulties due to spending her early developmental years in an Eastern European orphanage. Abby and her husband adopted their daughter Eva when she was three and a half years old. After years of medical isolation at the orphanage, Eva's under developed self-regulation and language skills make the holidays particularly difficult. While Eva's needs are acute, the insights we glean from her experiences can resonate with many children.
Take time to Relax
Abby's best advice for the holidays came from fellow TEAM therapist Kym Hannah. Kym recommended that when Abby senses Eva's elevated stress, she should hold her close because deep pressure can be calming. Abby carefully watches her daughter for signs of fatigue and is quick to re-direct with something comforting like reading a book, singing a song or relaxing in a rocking chair. For some children, practicing deep breathing or listening to soft music is particularly beneficial. As an added benefit, parents who model relaxation strategies with their children also reap the evident benefits.
Abby's best advice for the holidays came from fellow TEAM therapist Kym Hannah. Kym recommended that when Abby senses Eva's elevated stress, she should hold her close because deep pressure can be calming. Abby carefully watches her daughter for signs of fatigue and is quick to re-direct with something comforting like reading a book, singing a song or relaxing in a rocking chair. For some children, practicing deep breathing or listening to soft music is particularly beneficial. As an added benefit, parents who model relaxation strategies with their children also reap the evident benefits.
Carefully consider the travel vs. stay home conundrum
Carefully weigh the pros and cons of traveling vs. staying at home. If choosing to stay home for the first time, establish special family traditions. To connect with extended family, make an effort to enjoy a festive holiday Skype, Apple Face Time, or the like. Children may enjoy preparing a special carol to sing for relatives in a video message. If choosing to travel, have honest conversations with relatives beforehand about what to expect.
Carefully weigh the pros and cons of traveling vs. staying at home. If choosing to stay home for the first time, establish special family traditions. To connect with extended family, make an effort to enjoy a festive holiday Skype, Apple Face Time, or the like. Children may enjoy preparing a special carol to sing for relatives in a video message. If choosing to travel, have honest conversations with relatives beforehand about what to expect.
Deck the Halls "like a Kid"
Allowing children to help decorate allows them to be involved with the changes taking place in their home. Try to choose comforting decorations. For example, blinking, colored lights can easily over stimulate some children while soft white lights can be comforting. As an occupational therapist, Abby knows that all children, regardless of their special need, can appreciate having their very own holiday art work displayed in their home.
Allowing children to help decorate allows them to be involved with the changes taking place in their home. Try to choose comforting decorations. For example, blinking, colored lights can easily over stimulate some children while soft white lights can be comforting. As an occupational therapist, Abby knows that all children, regardless of their special need, can appreciate having their very own holiday art work displayed in their home.
Designate a Safe Place
Until communication skills are firmly developed, paying close attention to body language and facial expressions is important. For example, children may not be able to say, "My uncle is getting a little too loud for my comfort. I need a break." When Abby observes her daughter beginning to get stressed, she simply carries her to a less crowded area, preferably a room that is quiet and dimly lit. Once her daughter is reassured and feels safe, they slowly make their way back. It can be beneficial to prep a calming "safe space" at your holiday destination.
Until communication skills are firmly developed, paying close attention to body language and facial expressions is important. For example, children may not be able to say, "My uncle is getting a little too loud for my comfort. I need a break." When Abby observes her daughter beginning to get stressed, she simply carries her to a less crowded area, preferably a room that is quiet and dimly lit. Once her daughter is reassured and feels safe, they slowly make their way back. It can be beneficial to prep a calming "safe space" at your holiday destination.
Tis the Season to Prep Ahead
Abby tries to prepare Eva in advance. She tells her that the family is going to get in the car and go see family. She tells her who she is going to see and talks about what they are going to do. Children can benefit from building a social story about the upcoming holiday that is designed specifically to fit a child's area of need. For example, if transitions are difficult, the story may include packing for a holiday trip, travel to the airport and arrival at a holiday destination. Knowing in advance what to expect helps to ease anxieties. Also consider making a visual countdown chart as children's sense of time is still developing. For a young child, the difference between a week, a day and an hour is likely not clear.
Abby tries to prepare Eva in advance. She tells her that the family is going to get in the car and go see family. She tells her who she is going to see and talks about what they are going to do. Children can benefit from building a social story about the upcoming holiday that is designed specifically to fit a child's area of need. For example, if transitions are difficult, the story may include packing for a holiday trip, travel to the airport and arrival at a holiday destination. Knowing in advance what to expect helps to ease anxieties. Also consider making a visual countdown chart as children's sense of time is still developing. For a young child, the difference between a week, a day and an hour is likely not clear.
The Special Needs Diet
The fact that many holiday gatherings revolve around food can be difficult for people with special dietary needs. It can be helpful to consult with a child's nutritionist about what level of "forbidden items" can be safely consumed. They may have ideas about the use of probiotics, enzymes or other supplements than can be incorporated to help counteract the rare addition of forbidden items. Because gluten-free and allergen free recipes and products are becoming more readily available, modified holiday foods are easier than ever to serve. If traveling, consider shipping a "care package" of items to your destination in advance. Some gluten-free bakeries ship items directly through on-line ordering.
The fact that many holiday gatherings revolve around food can be difficult for people with special dietary needs. It can be helpful to consult with a child's nutritionist about what level of "forbidden items" can be safely consumed. They may have ideas about the use of probiotics, enzymes or other supplements than can be incorporated to help counteract the rare addition of forbidden items. Because gluten-free and allergen free recipes and products are becoming more readily available, modified holiday foods are easier than ever to serve. If traveling, consider shipping a "care package" of items to your destination in advance. Some gluten-free bakeries ship items directly through on-line ordering.
Simplify Gift Giving
Abby acknowledges that fostering an atmosphere of "less is more" is ideal but challenging. She and her husband recognize that it is a joy to give, and they do not want to take that joy away from family members wanting to give gifts to their daughter. They encourage giving a single gift and making that gift a book, music or adaptive art supplies. These items are relatively inexpensive and leave the gift-giver some room for thoughtful and individualized choices. However, if more than one or two gifts on Christmas morning is too overwhelming, parents can chose to have children open just a few gifts at a time throughout the 12 days of Christmas.
Abby acknowledges that fostering an atmosphere of "less is more" is ideal but challenging. She and her husband recognize that it is a joy to give, and they do not want to take that joy away from family members wanting to give gifts to their daughter. They encourage giving a single gift and making that gift a book, music or adaptive art supplies. These items are relatively inexpensive and leave the gift-giver some room for thoughtful and individualized choices. However, if more than one or two gifts on Christmas morning is too overwhelming, parents can chose to have children open just a few gifts at a time throughout the 12 days of Christmas.
Make Sleep a Priority
All children benefit from a consistent sleep schedule. It is easy to over stretch children over the holidays, allowing later bed times and skipped naps. However, making sleep a priority dramatically decreases the chances of having tantrums, and any tantrums that do occur will be less severe.
All children benefit from a consistent sleep schedule. It is easy to over stretch children over the holidays, allowing later bed times and skipped naps. However, making sleep a priority dramatically decreases the chances of having tantrums, and any tantrums that do occur will be less severe.
Shopping with Kids
While internet-based shopping definitely decreases the need to face holiday crowds, Abby also suggests targeting shopping times that tend to be less crowded. If she and her daughter are out shopping and the store becomes crowded and noisy, she keeps Eva close to her so that she feels safe. Even if she's riding in the shopping cart, Abby slows down and gets close enough so that she and her daughter are touching. If it gets really loud and overwhelming, Abby stops, bends close to her daughter's ear, and whispers a familiar and comforting phrase, "You are my beautiful baby, and I love you."
While internet-based shopping definitely decreases the need to face holiday crowds, Abby also suggests targeting shopping times that tend to be less crowded. If she and her daughter are out shopping and the store becomes crowded and noisy, she keeps Eva close to her so that she feels safe. Even if she's riding in the shopping cart, Abby slows down and gets close enough so that she and her daughter are touching. If it gets really loud and overwhelming, Abby stops, bends close to her daughter's ear, and whispers a familiar and comforting phrase, "You are my beautiful baby, and I love you."
Enjoy the Season!
Take time to treasure these precious holiday moments with your child and family.
Additional Resources:
Great Gift Ideas for Children with Autism, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 9, 2015
Inexpensive Sensory Toy Ideas, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 16, 2015
Surviving the Holidays, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 24, 2015
Take time to treasure these precious holiday moments with your child and family.
Additional Resources:
Great Gift Ideas for Children with Autism, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 9, 2015
Inexpensive Sensory Toy Ideas, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 16, 2015
Surviving the Holidays, Children’s Therapy TEAM Mondays with Melissa Blog, Melissa Foster, November 24, 2015
