I recently started watching my 4 ½ year old
nephew while my sister works full time.
He is a really sweet boy, but he is so impulsive, so full of energy, and
is very quick to throw a tantrum. I feel like I have to watch him more closely
than I watch my own 2 year old! Do you have any tips to help with behavior
problems in a preschooler?
If I had a one-size-fits-all
quick fix for behavior problems, I would be a millionaire! However, I do have a large bag of tricks
which I have used as a mom and as an Occupational
Therapist. That is one of the things I
love the most about my job! I get to try
new ideas at home, then practice them at work, and vice-versa! Now, I absolutely do NOT claim to have all
the answers. My own children have their
cranky/meltdown moments, just like any other child. However, here are a few of my favorite ideas
to help solve behavior difficulties in ANY child, both those with disabilities,
and those without:
Be
consistent.
This is parenting/childcare rule #1. If a child is able to cry for 10 minutes and gets his way, then he will try crying for 15 minutes the next time to get his way. If you say something is a rule, it is a rule. Period. Let your word be your bond. I will admit, there have been times...especially after my child has screamed for 20 minutes...when I have thought to myself, “Why do I even care if my child takes his plate to the sink? It’s really no big deal! I will just take it there myself!” However, if you said something needs to be done, it needs to be done. Stand your ground! You can do this!
This is parenting/childcare rule #1. If a child is able to cry for 10 minutes and gets his way, then he will try crying for 15 minutes the next time to get his way. If you say something is a rule, it is a rule. Period. Let your word be your bond. I will admit, there have been times...especially after my child has screamed for 20 minutes...when I have thought to myself, “Why do I even care if my child takes his plate to the sink? It’s really no big deal! I will just take it there myself!” However, if you said something needs to be done, it needs to be done. Stand your ground! You can do this!
Avoid
saying “NO.”
Yes, all children need to learn to remain calm when they hear the dreaded “no,” but I have learned that avoiding “no” as much as possible makes your life so much easier. This does NOT, however, mean that you should give in. It means rather that you learn to get creative with your responses to your child’s requests. I always like to respond to requests with “of course” followed by a qualifier. When the child asks “Can I go outside?” you reply, “Of course you can, when it stops raining.” When a child asks “Can I have a snack?” you reply, “Of course you can, after you pick up your toys.” When a child asks, “Can I watch TV?” you reply, “Of course you can, after school.” When the child asks, “Can I have a private island in the Bahamas?” you reply “Of course you can, when you win the lottery!” You get the idea.
Yes, all children need to learn to remain calm when they hear the dreaded “no,” but I have learned that avoiding “no” as much as possible makes your life so much easier. This does NOT, however, mean that you should give in. It means rather that you learn to get creative with your responses to your child’s requests. I always like to respond to requests with “of course” followed by a qualifier. When the child asks “Can I go outside?” you reply, “Of course you can, when it stops raining.” When a child asks “Can I have a snack?” you reply, “Of course you can, after you pick up your toys.” When a child asks, “Can I watch TV?” you reply, “Of course you can, after school.” When the child asks, “Can I have a private island in the Bahamas?” you reply “Of course you can, when you win the lottery!” You get the idea.
Keep to
a regular schedule.
Children thrive on structure and routine. The more struggles a child has with impulsivity, attention, and behavior, the stricter the routine needs to be. It may seem cruel to leave a party early in order to respect the bedtime routine, but it really is for the best. Children are just little guys & gals. They don’t know what to expect from their world, and they have little control over it. The more they can learn to predict their daily routine, the more they can learn to remain calm and not worry about what is happening next. If you notice the schedule posted in any quality preschool classroom, you will find that they have the full day scheduled down to the minute. Again, this predictability makes life calmer and simpler for everyone.
Children thrive on structure and routine. The more struggles a child has with impulsivity, attention, and behavior, the stricter the routine needs to be. It may seem cruel to leave a party early in order to respect the bedtime routine, but it really is for the best. Children are just little guys & gals. They don’t know what to expect from their world, and they have little control over it. The more they can learn to predict their daily routine, the more they can learn to remain calm and not worry about what is happening next. If you notice the schedule posted in any quality preschool classroom, you will find that they have the full day scheduled down to the minute. Again, this predictability makes life calmer and simpler for everyone.
Use
picture/written schedules.
This helps to keep things on schedule even more. Depending on the reading abilities of the child, this can either be written out with words, or you can use photographs or drawn pictures. The “Super Nanny” Jo Frost always created a huge poster board schedule when working with her families on TV, and she had some doozies! I always use this technique in the clinic and with my own children as well. This helps make a clear picture of the predictable schedule and can be used to prepare a child for any changes in the day (which are bound to happen). If a child needs pictures rather than words, consider taking photos of activities, printing them off, laminating the pics and adding Velcro to the back. This will allow you to create a quick visual schedule each day and easily make changes as needed.
This helps to keep things on schedule even more. Depending on the reading abilities of the child, this can either be written out with words, or you can use photographs or drawn pictures. The “Super Nanny” Jo Frost always created a huge poster board schedule when working with her families on TV, and she had some doozies! I always use this technique in the clinic and with my own children as well. This helps make a clear picture of the predictable schedule and can be used to prepare a child for any changes in the day (which are bound to happen). If a child needs pictures rather than words, consider taking photos of activities, printing them off, laminating the pics and adding Velcro to the back. This will allow you to create a quick visual schedule each day and easily make changes as needed.
Use a
visual/auditory timer.
This goes back to the fact that kiddos need predictable schedules and structure. Whether utilizing an alarm app on your phone, a wristwatch alarm, a kitchen timer, or a simple sand timer, you can create a definite cue that it is time to move to a different activity.
This goes back to the fact that kiddos need predictable schedules and structure. Whether utilizing an alarm app on your phone, a wristwatch alarm, a kitchen timer, or a simple sand timer, you can create a definite cue that it is time to move to a different activity.
Give
choices as much as possible.
OK, this one really does seem like “magic fairy dust,” but hear me out and give it a try. You tell the child to brush his teeth, and she refuses. Then you simply ask if she wants to brush her teeth in the upstairs or the downstairs bathroom. And she magically chooses to brush her teeth upstairs! I am completely floored that this one actually works. It seems too simple! Please, give it a try, and let me know. I promise that you will be amazed more often than not!
OK, this one really does seem like “magic fairy dust,” but hear me out and give it a try. You tell the child to brush his teeth, and she refuses. Then you simply ask if she wants to brush her teeth in the upstairs or the downstairs bathroom. And she magically chooses to brush her teeth upstairs! I am completely floored that this one actually works. It seems too simple! Please, give it a try, and let me know. I promise that you will be amazed more often than not!
Avoid
the hungry/sleepy/tired situations.
Simple, right? Wrong! This singular concept will probably be the topic of many future blogs. But in short, respect regular meal and snack times, respect nap times and bedtimes, and always keep a healthy snack on hand for emergencies!
Simple, right? Wrong! This singular concept will probably be the topic of many future blogs. But in short, respect regular meal and snack times, respect nap times and bedtimes, and always keep a healthy snack on hand for emergencies!
Again, I could go on, and on, and on…These are just my favorites! In addition, these are only tips for setting a child up for success. Yes, sometimes consequences are necessary, but we will save those for another day. My philosophy is that it is much easier to set a child up for success than try to get creative with deciding on appropriate consequences. I would love to hear your favorite tips/tricks to help with difficult behaviors at home. Please share!
If you would like additional tips for addressing behavior difficulties in your child, please
explore the following resources:
Positive Parenting: How to encourage good Behavior: American Academy of Pediatrics
Suggestions for Improving Behavior: American Academy of Pediatrics
What you can do to change your child's behavior: FamilyDoctor.org
Suggestions for Improving Behavior: American Academy of Pediatrics
What you can do to change your child's behavior: FamilyDoctor.org
Also, if you have a question you would like me to address in my Weekly Blog,
send it to share@ChildrensTherapyTEAM.com
