Dear Melissa,
As summer is starting to wind down, and the school supply lists are popping up at my local Wal-Mart, my first grade son is becoming more and more anxious about returning to school, even though it is the same school he attended last year for kindergarten. Do you have any tips to help relieve this anxiety?
As summer is starting to wind down, and the school supply lists are popping up at my local Wal-Mart, my first grade son is becoming more and more anxious about returning to school, even though it is the same school he attended last year for kindergarten. Do you have any tips to help relieve this anxiety?
Returning to a familiar school has a separate set of fears than a child might have when entering kindergarten or entering a new school. For tips on entering a new school/kindergarten, see my Kindergarten Transition blog from last year.
When a child has anxieties about re-entering a familiar school, it is important to determine why those anxieties exist. While it is perfectly normal to have back-to-school jitters, more significant anxieties may need to be addressed more carefully. Either way, here are a few back-to-school tips to get you started:
- Talk to your child about his/her fears. Talking to your child is always a good place to start. However, make sure you choose your words carefully. If you say, “Are you anxious about school starting next month?” then that tells your child that he should be anxious, whether he already was or not. Rather, ask open ended questions such as “How do you feel about school starting?” or “What can I do to help you get ready for school?” It's even less threatening if you can grab a couple scoops of ice cream, sit on the back patio, and have a simple chit-chat.
- Fear the work will be too hard? Try getting a few grade-level workbooks and “get back into the swing of things” in the few weeks before school starts.
- Fear of not having friends? Try to schedule a few playdates with others from the school.
- Fear of bullies? Again, try to align your child with friends. Role play how to deal with a bully and how to ask a grown-up for help.
- Fear of not liking the teacher? Make sure you attend the teacher meet-and-greet. In addition, your child can work on a back-to-school card to give the teacher in order to help foster positive feelings about the teacher. Make sure to have the child include a few fun facts about him/herself to help establish a rapport with the teacher.
- Summarize last school year. This can also be included in your “ice cream on the back patio” chit-chat. What went well? What did not go so well? What was silly? Who was friendly (students and adults)? What subjects were the easiest? What subjects were tricky? Try to focus on the positive, but keep your ears open for recurring themes/fears.
- Practice the back-to-school routine. It’s hard for all of us to get back into the swing of things once schoolstarts. Summer is for staying up late, catching fireflies, sleeping in, and NO HOMEWORK! In the days/weeks leading up to that first day of school, slowly work on getting to bed earlier, waking up and getting out the door (even if it is to a fun engagement like a playdate or a day at the pool). Another fun way to practice the back to schoolroutine is to pack a picnic lunch and practice your normal “getting to school” route whether it be driving, pretendingto get on the bus, or walking/biking. My own kids love packing a snack or lunch and heading to their school so they can have free play on the playground, as well as a fun picnic. And again, it may be a good idea to get back into the practice of reading/writing/math (even just a tiny bit!).
- Let your child help with back-to-school shopping. Whether it is clothes, shoes, lunch box, backpack, schoolsupplies, etc., it is exciting to have something new to try out on the first day of school. Many children will find helping to shop for everything a bit overwhelming, so pick at least one or two items that might excite your child and hit the store!
- Restart that rusty brain. If you haven’t noticed, this is the third time I have mentioned schoolwork in this blog. A story published August 2015, by CNN, reported that 53% of public school parents cited homework and schoolwork as “the driver of the most stress for their kids." I am definitely part of this 53%! Now, I certainly am not going to ruin my son’s summer by making him do homework every day, but, we are making sure to read frequently and throw in some writing and math here and there as well.
When to seek additional help:
Yes, most children have back-to-school butterflies, but when do you need to be concerned that there might be a deeper problem? According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), approximately 2 to 5 percent ofschool-age children experience anxiety-based school refusal. It commonly takes place between the ages of 5-6 years, 10-11 years, and at times of transition, such as entering middle and high school. This anxiety can be displayed as physical symptoms shortly before it is time to leave for school or repeatedly asking to visit the school nurse. If the child is allowedto stay home, the symptoms quickly disappear, only to reappear the next morning. According to the AADA, missing schoolactually reinforces the anxiety rather than alleviating it. If you have concerns that your child is experiencing more school-based anxiety than other children, you should discuss this with your child’s pediatrician, occupational or speech therapist, or seek out the advice of a mental health professional.
Yes, most children have back-to-school butterflies, but when do you need to be concerned that there might be a deeper problem? According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), approximately 2 to 5 percent ofschool-age children experience anxiety-based school refusal. It commonly takes place between the ages of 5-6 years, 10-11 years, and at times of transition, such as entering middle and high school. This anxiety can be displayed as physical symptoms shortly before it is time to leave for school or repeatedly asking to visit the school nurse. If the child is allowedto stay home, the symptoms quickly disappear, only to reappear the next morning. According to the AADA, missing schoolactually reinforces the anxiety rather than alleviating it. If you have concerns that your child is experiencing more school-based anxiety than other children, you should discuss this with your child’s pediatrician, occupational or speech therapist, or seek out the advice of a mental health professional.
Looking for more advice on making that back-to-school transition? Check out the resources below:
Back to school: What kids are most anxious about is… CNN, August 24, 2015
7 Ways to help ease your kid’s back to school anxiety, Babble, accessed June 2016
School Refusal, Anxiety and Depression Association of America, June 2016
Back to school: What kids are most anxious about is… CNN, August 24, 2015
7 Ways to help ease your kid’s back to school anxiety, Babble, accessed June 2016
School Refusal, Anxiety and Depression Association of America, June 2016
